literature

Reasons the Platypus is Better than the Wolf

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CrystalTheDeatheater's avatar
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The platypus, a small semiaquatic animal indigenous to Australia, is listed as an endangered species like the wolf. Now, I doubt that any wolves or wolf-relatives (not counting domestic dogs and dingos, neither or which I count as wolves) have ever laid eyes on a platypus but if they did, the entire wolf species would die of the awesomeness. Here are a few reasons:

1) The platypus is poisonous, the male at least. This the reason that this platypus-feature is so awesome: the poison isn't in its bite. The poison is in the hind-foot or claw of the male platypus, located in a spur on his flipper/foot/claw/whatever. Do your precious wulvs have a poisonous foot? I don't think so.

2) The platypus is part duck, part beaver and part otter. This is just awesome in itself. A wolf, however, is mearly a large vicious dog. Nothing special about it. Scientists easily belive that a wolf exists, but they thought that the platypus was a hoax when first discovered by some british dude. Thats more interesting than "Oh look, big dogs! Oh look, they're hunting something! Oh hey, one of 'ems bitin' mah leg!" which I how I believe the human race was introduced to wolves.

3) I know, I know, wolf pups are adorable. I can't deny it, those guys are downright cute. But what about when they grow up and you see them covered in blood from some unsuspecting deer or caribou? That's more disturbing than cute, isn't it? The platypus, however, is FREAKING ADORABLE. Cuter than a wolf pup to some and it stays cute throught its life.

4) My final reason because I want to go back to watching my Star Wars movies: The platypus is just plain awesome. End of story.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am done telling you about the awesome. Duck-Beaver-Otters>Wulvs

You say you're part of a wolf pack? I'm in a PLATYPUS pack.
You say you're spirit animal is a wolf? Mine's a platypus. (actually I've been told its a February. Come on guys, do I look THAT stupid to you? At least I know how to pronounce Scientist and Oxygen and know where my room is as well as how to use a gun XD)
You say you're Team Jacob? I'm team FENRIR GREYBACK. Because Mr.Face-Only-A-Mother-Could-Love (AKA The Chillen' Biter) could beat your shirtless shape-shifter in a fight anyday, even when he isn't transformed.
I know that last bit had nothing to do with the platypus but it's still fact.
LOL ~ChoChangisaAdjective made a rant about woolfaboos this morning and it inspired me to make this.
Because poisonous duck-beavers are awesomer than dogs.

I just want to see how many woolfaboos I piss off :D
Don't get me wrong, I like wolves, but the platypus pwns them. Its just a simple fact of life.

Guys, this is SUPPOST to be completely absurd XD
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